More Than Meets the Eye

“Congratulations, it’s a girl!” Images of us coloring, baking, and reading together immediately flooded my mind. I had everything figured out. I was going to be the perfect mom.

Fast forward five months, and I was sitting in the nursery holding my daughter—only everything wasn’t as I had pictured it would be. We were going through another sleepless night, with her crying inconsolably in my arms. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I figure this out? Did God make a mistake when he gave me this precious baby? I couldn’t keep my own tears from flowing and mixing with hers on her tiny cheeks.

This wasn’t the way I imagined motherhood. It was supposed to be filled with snuggles, smiles, and giggles. Yet here I was, covered in yesterday’s makeup, spit-up, and tears. I had dreamed of being a mom all my life. Why weren’t things happening like I thought they would?

After a few weeks of trying and failing to figure things out on my own, I texted a friend. She came over and sat on my couch as I poured out my heart and frustrations. After a while, she looked at me and asked, “What if God designed motherhood for more than our happiness?”

Motherhood Demands Dependence

Sometimes we think we have things all figured out. We feel like we are in control. Motherhood, however, has a way of humbling us and revealing that the control we thought we had was only an illusion. From morning sickness and leg cramps to labor and delivery, motherhood quickly shows us that we are not in control. This is a terrifying feeling, especially when we look down into the tiny eyes of another human being who is completely dependent upon us.

Thankfully, we don’t care for our children all by ourselves. The same God who assured Joshua, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9), is our God as well. We don’t embark on this motherhood journey alone. God is with us and will never leave us.[1]

In his goodness, God has also given us the gift of Christian friendship. His design for the church is that believers surround and take care of each other while we raise the children that he has blessed us with. Sometimes as a mom, we lament that we only have two hands. But God has actually given us many more—the hands of the body of Christ with whom we gather and worship each week.

Motherhood Cultivates Holiness

Sanctification, or the process of being made holy, is a lifelong process. It starts well before motherhood, but for many of us, motherhood reveals many sins. When our baby wakes in the middle of the night and we resentfully trudge to the nursery, our sin of selfishness is revealed. When a friend shares that her baby is crawling well before ours and frustration seizes us, our sin of coveting is revealed. While ranting to our husband about how much we have to do and how hard it is, we realize that we have not done everything without complaining or arguing.[2] Have you ever experienced moments like these?

Through motherhood, God chooses to love us and make us more like him. Romans 8:29 says that God “predestined [us] to be conformed to the image of his Son.” His design for our lives is that through our circumstances, we would be made to act, think, and love like Jesus.

Before we start viewing this as an overwhelming burden, we can rest assured, remembering that we have the Holy Spirit working in us to help us become more like Christ. God will not ask us to do something that he himself will not help us achieve. God will equip us to fulfill the tasks and duties that he has asked us to do.

Motherhood Brings Us to Worship

When facing our own shortcomings and sins, we are asked not to look to ourselves, but rather to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Our standing is secure, not because of how we perform as a mom, but because of what Jesus did on the cross. Our identity is rooted in being a daughter of God, not in being an outstanding mom.

This means that on days when things go well, we can praise God for his wisdom and guidance. We can thank him for the gifts he has given us, which were used to nurture our children and teach them about their Creator. We can worship God, knowing that all good things come from him.[3]

And on days that feel more like a hurricane than like sunshine and rainbows, we can cry out to the Lord, thanking him for being with us through it all. When nothing seems to have gone right—when we have yelled at our children and are counting the minutes until bedtime—God is there. The blood of Jesus covers our sins. We can stand confidently before God knowing that he sees Christ’s perfection, rather than our many failures. Motherhood has been designed by God not ultimately for our earthly happiness, but for his eternal glory. And that’s good news when you feel stuck in the trenches—there’s more at play than meets the eye.

This article first appeared on Risen Motherhood.